Cockroach Infestation
Cockroach Infestation
ile Irene Kang @cartoonygothicpunker
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April 2022. Three girls in their twenties are sitting in the living room, eating from a plate of cookies while watching various online videos on a widescreen television. Two of them, a purple anthropomorphic raccoon and a red anthropomorphic bear, are sitting on the couch with some distance between them. The third one, a green anthropomorphic rhinoceros, is sitting on the floor near the couch. The raccoon has brown hair tied in a high ponytail, with side swept bangs and turquoise eyes. Despite her age, she wears a blue middy blouse and a matching pleated skirt, with a purple tank top, shorts, and socks underneath. The bear, much wider and taller than the raccoon, has purple hair styled in a low ponytail with straight bangs. In front of her gray eyes are a pair of glasses with thick, black frames. Favoring a darker fashion sense, her lipstick, choker, and dress are also black, though the sleeves of her dress are maroon and made to resemble spider webs. The rhinoceros wears her green hair loose with side swept bangs and a chartreuse butterfly barrette. She has brown eyes and wears rectangular glasses with golden yellow frames. In contrast with the other two girls, she wears a yellow t-shirt with an orange flower graphic and green shorts. A bloodstone is embedded in her right hand.
"Wow, I had no idea that RVs could be that big." the raccoon comments, grabbing a second cookie from the plate.
"Yeah, some of them can be surprisingly luxurious." the rhinoceros agrees, finishing the cookie she had in her hand.
"It's too bad I might not be able to fit in most of them, though." the bear adds. "Those doorways look pretty narrow, even in the taller models.
"Yeah, I can see why you'd think that, Esmeralda." the raccoon nods in agreement.
The raccoon finishes her second cookie and reaches out to grab a third one, when she sees a small, dark shape appear on the coffee table, next to the plate of cookies. It takes her just seconds to find out what it is. A yelp escapes her, as she recoils in horror.
"Cockroach!" she exclaims. "Ew, ew! Get it out of here!"
Esmeralda gets up from the couch and grabs a tissue, quickly picking up the insect with it and flushing it away in the bathroom.
"Whoa, Miranda. I didn't know you were that scared of roaches." the rhinoceros comments.
"Ugh, they're the worst!" Miranda exclaims with disgust.
Esmeralda returns to her spot on the couch.
"You want to tell the story?" Esmeralda asks, glancing at Miranda.
"What story?" asks the rhinoceros.
"Well, you see, Ellen, I... recently went through a cockroach infestation." Miranda admits.
The rhinoceros' eyes widen in response.
"Last year in November, me and my sister and my mom were moving in to a new apartment. My mom got laid off, and we couldn't afford our old place anymore. So, we had to look for a cheaper place to stay." Miranda begins. "The apartment was small, but... it was what we could afford at the time."
The raccoon recalls moving various bags and boxes into the apartment building with her sister and mother, trying to make the most of their limited space.
"Somehow, we kept finding some weird-looking seeds on the floor and in cupboards. None of us could tell what kind of plant they could've come from, but we didn't think much of it at the time." Miranda continues. "Two weeks after we moved in, we enjoyed some takeout from a restaurant. It was probably the best meal we had since moving in. After we finished it, we left the bag and empty takeout boxes on the counter. We figured we could take care of them the next day. The next morning, I heard my mom scream from the kitchen. We found a bunch of cockroaches crawling in the empty takeout boxes."
"Ew. Sounds gross." comments Ellen, feeling slightly disturbed.
Esmeralda nods in agreement, also disturbed by the image.
"It was." Miranda agrees. "At the time, we never had a cockroach problem before. We mostly associated cockroaches with dirty places, so my mom had us clean the place pretty often."
The raccoon thinks about the times when she, her sister, and her mother cleaned their then-home. It was a near-daily chore for all three of them. She can still remember the paper towels, mops, sponges, and sprays they used.
"We found that any room-temperature food that wasn't in a completely sealed container had cockroaches crawling on it." Miranda continues. "We started putting our food in the fridge, even the stuff that didn't need to be refrigerated."
The first example that comes to the raccoon's mind is a bag of plain tortilla chips in a bag that was already opened, but wasn't clipped shut. She recalls pouring some chips into a bowl, only to lose her appetite when she found a couple of cockroaches in the chips.
"So much of our food ended up going to waste because of those bugs." Miranda laments.
"Bummer." Ellen responds with pity.
"My mom tried to contact the landlord, but she couldn't reach them. So, she called in an exterminator herself. We thought our problem was finally going to get solved, as we had a professional coming in to deal with it." Miranda continues. "And it seemed to work. After pest control came in and sprayed, the place was starting to feel like home again."
The raccoon recalls how hopeful she was feeling about not having to worry about cockroaches again, being able to move on without the constant fear of catching germs from bugs crawling around.
"It had been a week, and I heard my mom scream from the kitchen again. Just when we thought we got rid of them, the cockroaches were back. They were all over the kitchen floor." Miranda states, looking visibly disturbed.
"Pest control didn't work, then?" Ellen questions, confused.
"Not quite. My mom found out from neighbors that the whole apartment was infested. Most of the neighbors did have pest control come in to spray their units, except one neighbor." Miranda explains. "That one neighbor apparently had beliefs that didn't let him kill any living being."
"Not even pests?" Ellen gasps, eyes widened.
"Not even pests." Miranda confirms. "I couldn't believe it, either."
The raccoon remembers how she sometimes saw cockroaches crawling out from under that neighbor's door and spreading to other homes.
"From then on, our problem got worse. The cockroaches started showing up in our fridge, and at one point, I even found a couple on my toothbrush. It was so disgusting, and I had enough. I decided to spend the holidays at Esmeralda's house." Miranda continues, glancing at Esmeralda herself. "My sister kinda understood, but my mom was pretty upset that I wanted to spend time away from the family."
"No one should have to spend the holidays in an infested home." Esmeralda responds. "It's just too bad your family couldn't come with you."
"Yeah, I guess my mom wouldn't have been as upset, if she and my sister were able to come with me when I decided to stay at your house for the holidays." Miranda agrees. "At least we still kept in touch, though. My sister and mom still wished me a merry Christmas and a happy new year."
The raccoon recalls the good times she had at Esmeralda's house during the holidays, getting to have presents and food without worrying about bugs ruining them. She would've loved to stay longer, but she knew she had to return home at some point.
"I decided to return home after New Year's. While I was away, my mom decided to hold back rent payments to shame the landlord into action. It drew attention, all right, but not the right kind." Miranda continues. "Just a day after my return, we got evicted from our apartment. I think that was the only time I was glad to be evicted. I don't think anyone should have to pay to stay in a place full of pests."
"So, where did you end up staying after all that?" Ellen asks.
"Well, she reached out to me again. My family was renting out a house for extra income, and we let her family stay in it for a discount." Esmeralda explains.
"Yep, we got pretty lucky." Miranda nods in agreement. "Sure, we had to move our stuff again, but at least we didn't have a pest problem this time. It was such a relief."
"Well, I'm glad that's all over." Ellen smiles. "I guess I can't blame you for your fear of roaches now."
The girls then resume streaming content on the television, finishing their plate of cookies. Miranda breathes a sigh of relief and starts eating her third cookie, glad that she is able to open up to one more friend about such an experience.

1 yorum
Heya! How great to see the story!
You're doing very good work with scene. I could see the story unfolding and you used the in-scene prompts well to kick off the instigating event for the story, "The raccoon finishes her second cookie and reaches out to grab a third one, when she sees a small, dark shape appear on the coffee table, next to the plate of cookies. It takes her just seconds to find out what it is. A yelp escapes her, as she recoils in horror." I also recoiled because it popped up very nicely in the scene.
Then, the dialogue and description ... yes! So good at revealing the characters. Like, this moment, ""Pest control didn't work, then?" Ellen questions, confused." Over the course of the conversation, we can see Ellen slowly beginning to understand the severity of the situation. She starts out measuring the situation against the scales she's used to--that all you'd need is pest control for a regular infestation--and we understand that from the questions she asks and the way you describe her reactions.
In fact, you've already done such a good through dialogue and description revealing this moment of vulnerability between friends that you may not need to re-emphasize it by telling us how she feels, "glad that she is able to open up to one more friend about such an experience." That moment when she sighs with relief and gets back to the TV says it all.
The only other suggestion I would make is that maybe you can weave description of the characters into the story itself. Like, maybe it kicks off with Miranda's comment about the RVs -- and then the "camera" pans to her and we see her and how she's dressed. That way you get us into the story faster? It's not a make or break it to the story, just something to experiment with.
It's great to see how you fulfilled the elements your outlined in your craft map. Good work!
Thanks! I'm glad you liked the story. You bring up interesting suggestions. I try to describe my characters' appearance in no more than a few sentences. Even when my characters' appearance isn't important to a particular story, I do want to give the reader a general idea of what my characters look like. I suppose the images I post with the story already do that job, now that I think about it.
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