Mi proyecto del curso: Storytelling para freelance y creadores
por Alex de Marcos García @alex_de_marcos
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Spoon
I wanted to stay at home and rest. Or so I thought, until the confinement came and it was horrible, that's when I started having anxiety. I'm tired of fighting inertia," she said as she held a cup of coffee, moving the spoon in circles, faster and faster, until it formed a frothy swirl.
She looked everywhere avoiding me, carefully choosing the next words to come out of her mouth.
I, like one hunting a fly, waited patiently for his eyes to land.
She looked at me and said:
_I am a spoon.
_I'm a teapot! I crooned, choreographing the famous nursery rhyme. My continual need to please people sometimes makes me do this shit. I was expecting to get a slimy grimace for the effort but no, I got a hearty laugh.
Not a spoon, no, I'm this spoon!
She said as he held the cutlery like on the cover of the Amelie movie. I don't know if he did it on purpose or if it was an unintentional homage. I decided not to comment on it.
Showed me the cup, dropped the spoon and the tsunami of coffee washed over the spoon. The staging was not very spectacular, it barely moved a few centimetres.
-My head spins round and round faster and faster and I go with it. I know I'm not well but I'm afraid to stop, I'm afraid because when I stop, that's when I'll notice everything I've been dragging around, I don't want to go back to having anxiety so I'm addicted to stress, it makes sense, does it make sense? In my head it does.
She took a sip from her cup and concluded:
-That's why we have coffee in the morning and anxiolytics, isn't it?.
Alex de Marcos.
Madrid, 2022.
3 comentarios
perfect!👏👏👏
Me gusta mucho que es corto y fácil de leer. Encuentro díficil identificar quién dice qué o quienes son he, she además de ti en esa historia. SIn embargo, no pude diferenciar bien todas las estructuras y consejos que recomendaron en el curso. Sé que no era fácil porque en este caso se trataban he herramientas de sotrytelling comercial y esto parece más con intención literaria, que no está mal para ese caso.
Hi Alex, @alex_de_marcos
Thank you for sharing your project! Your storytelling style is rich and vivid, capturing a deep sense of internal conflict and vulnerability. The imagery you’ve created, especially the scene with the spoon and teapot, is a beautiful metaphor for the chaos and self-awareness in the narrator's mind. It feels like a cinematic moment, almost like something out of a film—definitely reminiscent of Amélie, which adds an extra layer of charm.
The theme of anxiety and the cyclical nature of stress is very well portrayed. The dialogue is natural, and the character’s internal monologue invites the reader into their world, making the struggle feel relatable and tangible.
Here are a few suggestions to elevate your storytelling further:
1. Pacing and Flow: While the narrative is engaging, some transitions between thoughts could be smoothed out to avoid disrupting the flow. For instance, the jump from the spoon to the teapot could be connected a bit more clearly, perhaps with a brief moment of reflection to highlight the significance of this shift in identity.
2. Context and Clarity: You’ve done an excellent job of capturing the essence of the narrator's feelings, but at times, the underlying context might not be immediately clear to the reader. A little more background or subtle foreshadowing of the character’s anxieties might help strengthen the emotional impact, particularly when the character references their addiction to stress.
3. Dialogue and Character Voice: The exchange between the characters is lively and reflective, but I’d encourage you to give a bit more space for the character’s emotions to shine through their words. Maybe a slight pause or hesitation in the conversation could add an extra layer of depth, showing the internal struggle they’re experiencing.
4. Emotional Resonance: Consider tightening the emotional stakes. The ending is impactful, but the reader could benefit from a more direct link between the character’s actions and their emotional state. Perhaps show the aftermath of the spoon's fall or the feeling of helplessness more explicitly.
Overall, this project has a lot of promise and showcases your unique voice as a storyteller. If you want to continue honing your craft and connect with like-minded creators who are passionate about storytelling. It's a great place for further mentorship and support, where you can share and learn with other storytellers.
Looking forward to seeing your future projects!
Best,
_
Sun Yi
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