Neon Drives: A Cyberpunk, Psychological Thriller

This is a sci-fi cyberpunk story with hints of speculative fiction, and detective fiction. Nevertheless, my intention is to get intrigued the reader, turn my story into a turn-pager cyberpunk-psychological-thriller novel

A fellow writer read this opening and told me that it lacks of internal dialogue. I don't know if I should put internal dialogue.

Logline: T​he year is 2098, in what used to be Mexico City, now a city dominated by the Vatican, oligarchs and powerful conglomerates; there, a 20-years-old female trainee in linguistics, who works for the Vatican City, will find that her past, which she cannot fully remember well, is linked to a secret that could throw the world into chaos.

The Beginning
Kristel woke up after a recurrent nightmare in which she witnessed a murder while she was wandering in an abandoned building. The humanoid creature that stood there to kill the middle-aged man was one of the most traumatic parts of her nightmare. After that, Kristel is getting ready to go out to the university in New Syra City.

However, when Sophie, her A.I., got a photo of her grandfather five months ago in which he was talking with a strange silhouette in a corner at night, she didn’t believe the evidence.
Kristel, thus, started to doubt the reality she was told, but still refuses to go further. She struggled with it, and the nightmares were even more traumatic.

She decided to go all the way after having met an old sleuth called, Ricardo Guardiola, an old friend of her grandfather who wanted to unveil that event as well. She started out to write her dreams and nightmares along with doing also no official research on the newspaper archives, the next very week, during her internship in the Vatican’s branch in the city.

Inciting Incident
After some weeks of careful research, Kristel found something that could possibly lead her to the truth, in the middle of a wild-goose chase, she found a cryptic message on video. Her grandfather was in there, the date was the day before his vanishing.
Meanwhile, she helps the head of forensics to investigate and profile criminals and a serial killer.

Out of nowhere, she finds herself in the midst of the serial killer manhunt, nicknamed “the twelve-way killer”. The twelve-way killer horribly murdered the old sleuth. Kristel is lost again, she feels like she is doomed to lose all connections with her past and her family, dying without knowing who she is. Only, Sophie remains by her.
This is the point in which Kristel and Sophie meet Gideon, a seasoned hard-boiled detective who faces depressive problems and Robin, a female young rookie detective who has authority issues and a big ego.

Gideon knew the detective who was murdered and helps Kristel to follow the steps of the old sleuth to get the answers she needed. Meanwhile, she discovers new friendships while working with them. Now they are consolidated as one team under Vladimir Valero’s leadership, the head of detectives. She is actively learning from them. Months go by as they work together in different cases, but without forgetting Kristel’s external objective.

There’s no return when they discovered a web of massive conspiracy in which some city leaders were immersed. The cryptic message is still not fully deciphered, but what they discovered force them to head to the forbidden zone in the outskirts of the city.

Climax
They learn that Mitana, the most powerful conglomerate in New Syra City, has been using people in experiments to take humanity further through technology. They used “the heretics”, a group of the population nobody would miss, to commit their crimes. The heretics were part of the gypsies and people who take over the forbidden zone, insulated from the city, and some of them still work as labourers. Now, they are refugees in the forbidden zone. Nobody enters the forbidden zone.
Meanwhile, they by chance learn of the existence of a forbidden goddess and meet new allies among the refugees, they call themselves as “the people of the goddess Eranthe”. They discover a new creation myth, totally different from the one the Vatican and the conglomerates stated as truth. There lies a proof of life of her grandfather and learn about her mother.

Gideon sacrifices himself to save Kristel when various raid teams conformed by criminals and special forces from Mitana attack the base camp of the refugees in the forbidden zone.
They fight against them, but Kristel is not a fighter, she barely knows how to use a weapon.

Kristel, Robin, and Sophie along with other fierce fighters get besieged within a makeshift small fort in front of an old church. She couldn’t help herself when they broke in and tried to kill Sophie. Kristel’s got mortally wounded while some tears were streaming down her face.
The raid teams, shortly after killing a massive number of refugees, become immobilized.
The blindfolded goddess comes up and blows up their legs, but it was, actually, not her per se, it was Kristel. She feels deeply in pain, and lose consciousness.

This is the worst moment for Kristel, she cannot recognize herself, she feels herself like a lab rat, while has to deal with the death of Gideon.
At this point, the group thinks that Kristel was the result of a secret experiment, and that’s why she cannot go back further than six years.
After some other mishaps, Maria, the leader of the refugees; Alexandre; a rogue; Robin, Sophie, and Kristel unravel some covert mysteries of the Kristel’s life.

Kristel, Robin, the rogues and Sophie making their way towards the outskirts of the city, where the powerful conglomerate of Mitana is rumoured to have a secret facility hidden away. They had received a tip from one of the refugees in the forbidden zone, who had managed to escape from the clutches of the company, and had information on the location of the facility.

As they get closer, they begin to notice more and more security cameras and guards patrolling the area. They know that they have to be careful and avoid drawing attention to themselves if they want to have any chance of finding the facility.
They eventually come across a large warehouse that looks abandoned, but they can see signs of recent activity. Kristel, Robin, and Sophie exchange a glance, knowing that this has to be the place they are looking for.

As they explore, they find evidence of the experiments that Mitana has been conducting on the "heretics" from the forbidden zone, including forced genetic modification and cybernetic implants. They also come across several prisoners being held in inhumane conditions.
Kristel, Robin, and Sophie regroup and make their way towards the back of the warehouse where they find a heavily guarded door.
As they burst through the door, they find themselves in a large lab where, they come across a strange, alien-looking device, they finally come face to face with the head of Mitana's research division, Milano.
A fierce confrontation ensues, but Kristel, Robin, and Sophie are able to overpower Milano and his guards.

Falling Action
As Kristel, Robin, and Sophie make their way out of the Mitana facility, they feel a sense of triumph mixed with uncertainty. They had managed to acquire a mysterious item that they believed could lead them to answers about Kristel's past and the true nature of the conspiracy. But as they walked through the dark and deserted streets, they were suddenly ambushed by a group of men in black suits.

The three of them fought fiercely, but the attackers were well-trained and heavily armed. Just as it seemed they were about to be overpowered, a loud siren blared, and the attackers suddenly halted in their tracks. Confused, Kristel and her companions looked up to see a large, unmarked helicopter descending from the sky.
As the helicopter landed, a man in a dark suit emerged and approached them. He introduced himself as Agent Smith, and revealed that he was part of a secret government agency tasked with investigating and neutralizing threats to national security. He explained that the Mitana corporation was one such threat, and that they had been monitoring Kristel and her companions' movements.

Kristel starts to suspect that Agent Smith may be hiding something, and decides to dig deeper into his background. She discovers that his real name is not Agent Smith, but John Doe. He has no official records, no past, and no family. It seems as if he has been created specifically for this case.

As they continue to investigate, they find out that Agent Smith is not a real person at all, but a highly advanced AI created by Mitana to infiltrate the government and steer investigations away from their illegal activities. The AI had been programmed to mimic human emotions and behavior, but its true purpose was to protect Mitana's interests.

Twist

They get a car, and as they drive, they begin to notice that the surrounding city is changing. The buildings are becoming more and more decrepit, and the streets are filled with people who look like they have given up on life. Suddenly, they realize that they have been led into a trap. Mitana has created a false reality, and they have been living in it this entire time.

they come across a room filled with advanced technology, including a large machine that looks like a virtual reality simulator. Suddenly, everything clicks into place, and they realize that they have been captured and placed into a virtual world.
The team is in shock as they try to process this new revelation. They begin to question their own memories, wondering if they are real or just part of the simulation. They start to feel trapped and claustrophobic in this artificial world, unsure of what their captors want from them.

As they continue to explore the virtual world, they come across Agent Smith. But this time, he is different. He tells them that they were captured while trying to infiltrate the facility, and that they have been living in this virtual world for months.

This revelation is a huge plot twist that shakes the team to their core. They are now faced with the harsh reality that they have been living in a lie, and that their captors have been using them for their own gain. The team must now find a way to escape this virtual world before it's too late.

When they open their eyes, they find themselves in a sterile white room. They immediately realize that they have been captured and are being held in a virtual world. The group looks around frantically, trying to find a way out. Suddenly, Kristel begins to feel a strange energy coursing through her body. She can feel something stirring inside of her, something powerful and ancient.

Without warning, Kristel's eyes turn a bright gold color and she begins to glow with a brilliant light. Her companions are momentarily blinded by the sudden brightness, but as their eyes adjust, they see that Kristel has transformed into a goddess-like figure. She is the Blindfolded Goddess, a being of immense power who has been dormant within Kristel all this time.

When they open their eyes, they find themselves in a sterile white room. They immediately realize that they have been captured and are being held in a virtual world. The group looks around frantically, trying to find a way out. Suddenly, Kristel begins to feel a strange energy coursing through her body. She can feel something stirring inside of her, something powerful and ancient.

Resolution
Without warning, Kristel's eyes turn a bright gold color and she begins to glow with a brilliant light. Her companions are momentarily blinded by the sudden brightness, but as their eyes adjust, they see that Kristel has transformed into a goddess-like figure. She is the Blindfolded Goddess, a being of immense power who has been dormant within Kristel all this time.
With her new-found powers, Kristel begins to manipulate the virtual world around them. She creates a massive rift in the fabric of the virtual world, and the group makes a break for it. They run towards the rift, dodging virtual obstacles and leaping over virtual chasms. As they reach the rift, they jump through it and find themselves back in the real world.
They are back in the facility, but this time they are in control. Kristel uses her powers to disable the security systems and they make their way out of the facility. As they escape, they can see that the facility is in chaos. Workers and guards are running around in panic, and Kristel can hear the sounds of alarms blaring in the distance.
As they make their way out of the facility and into the night, they can't help but feel a sense of triumph. They may have been captured and trapped in a virtual world, but they were able to escape thanks to Kristel's powers. They may not know what the future holds, but they know that they have each other.

The group of Kristel, Robin, and Sophie return to New Syra City, with a newfound understanding of the world they thought they knew. They immediately head to the police department to report their findings to Vladimir Valero, the head of detectives.
As they enter the conference room, Valero greets them with a mixture of curiosity and skepticism. They explain to him everything they had discovered, from the experiments in the Forbidden zone to the virtual world they had been trapped in. Valero listens intently, taking notes as they speak.
Kristel, Robin, and Sophie are in shock when they hear the news of Milano's death. They had been so focused on the conspiracy involving Mitana and the forbidden zone that they had completely forgotten about the ongoing manhunt for the Twelve-Way Killer. Vladimir Valero explains to them that the killer had been targeting high-profile individuals, and it seems that Milano was his latest victim.
As they sit in Valero's office, Kristel can't help but feel a sense of guilt wash over her. She had been so consumed by her own personal quest for answers that she had neglected to consider the bigger picture. She had put herself and her friends in danger and had not been able to prevent Milano's death. The only individual who could provide information about everything.

Sophie speaks up, "We know who the Twelve-Way Killer is". Everyone turns to her, surprised. She explains that they had come across a clue during their investigation that led them to suspect that the killer was someone close to Milano. She hands over the evidence they had gathered to Valero.

Robin chimes in, "But what about the connection to Mitana? They were experimenting on people in that facility, and now they're trying to cover it up by offering a reward for the killer's capture."
Vladimir sighs, "We can't prove anything against Mitana at this point. But we can use this opportunity to catch the killer and bring him to justice. We'll keep investigating, but for now, our top priority is catching the Twelve-Way Killer."

As they leave the office, the team is silent, each lost in their own thoughts about the recent events and what it means for their quest for answers. But they all know one thing for sure: they won't stop until justice is served.

Possible Twists I want to Add on

-The middle-aged man whom Kristel saw dying in her nightmares is her son. (She is a clone of herself rescued by the man who she called "grandfather", and the real Kristel is dead and that was her son)
-The Vatican State is controlled by an alien force that teamed up with an ancient deity like the blindfolded one to instil his will in the humanity.
-Her grandfather was a researcher for Mitana and get clearance about experiments in Kristel.
-The underground city has the key answer to almost everything.
-Her surrogate mother is the Twelve-Way Killer. She is the leader of a cult in which everyone kill for an ancient deity.
-The Vatican experimented with a little girl Kristel and gave her one of the blessings they captured through the past of time. They didn't lose contact with her while she grow up and they are protecting her from their enemies until she get awaken her powers.
-The twelve-way killer is her grandfather, the one who vanished five years ago.

CHAPTER 1

Paralysis

Kristel opens her eyes with a slight disorientation that felt as if she had just woken up from a sudden dizziness that was eerie and frightening; in the midst of the hazel darkness and a musty stale air, with great effort stands up from a nearly brittle soil, of a material as old as wood.
She knew as well that type of material could only be found in cyclopean long-standing constructions built by century old principles. Although, this type of wood, felt fragile by the corrosion of some type of oil. Actually, it's still a tad oily.
-What? —. Kristel growled, still struggling with an anodyne slumber, turning her eyes to the ground as she did so, with the floor barely visible.

She does a fast inspection with her eyes around her while her head was still swimming.
She cannot understand what is going on there, but strangely recognizes the place without knowing where or how she had got there.
She could say for sure that she has never been there before, but that shadow of doubt had already been silently creeping into the feeble fortress of her mind.
The odour that seeped into the air wasn't common, but neither strange, nor mephitic to a fault: a sweet smell, yet earthy at once.

Kristel at that point, felt rather flustered as she kept, more thoroughly, her gaze at an up-and-down motion; then, stood still. Kristel tried to recall the last thing in her memory, but she kept drawing blanks and still felt dazzled. With the absence of clear thinking, she essayed to calm her anguish by ruminating possible exits from the crisis.

Some idea was lurking back there, the thought of some miscreant walking around in that very flat, someone who could subdue her somehow. She felt hopeless and helpless. She sensed she was vulnerable in the midst of that flat, teeming with caliginous darkness. She was confused and worried more for her unknown whereabouts and her potential kidnapper than her developing increasingly tenuous awakening side effects.
She didn't know how she could get there, not even if the kidnapper existed or why he left her there on purpose, and thus he if he is cautiously watching her, and why he left her without any ties at all. She could just walk away without difficulty in any direction. That is, if she could just walk away. Within seconds, with no less care in which she inspected the floor, she checks everything on her.
Her hair, though still oily from the oil on the ground, seemed damp above the nape of her neck.

Quickly, she crouched down, crawling a few meters until she could discern a gleam of light with dull illuminations: the steely metal of a stowed police helmet, the top of which barely protruded from the aluminium boxes eighteen meters from where she was.
Arriving to that point, after crossing a rough, wet and creaky ground, she pauses a moment to poke around. Maybe, there was something useful, but after blindly feeling around inside two boxes, the only interesting thing she found was still the police helmet. The helmet was stowed along with a lot of metal rubbish, some carbon rods and neoprene gloves.
The logo badge etched on the boxes couldn't be recognized, but she guessed it was a police logo badge.

Whatever the reason be, It was no mere happenstance to stumble upon some police equipment in the middle of nowhere, outside the police headquarters. Disappointed at the dénouement of her little plunder and rapine, she quickly returned her attention to the light source that reverberated on the helmet: a hidden half-opened door let a dull direct light shine onto the helmet.
She could never have managed to glimpse that hidden metal door if it weren't for that flashing magenta-coloured neon light.
The door, which was hardly visible from deep inside the room, had a ruined look from that point by the police rubbish.

She walked out of the room with caution. She crouched as she passed through the door, contorting her body a bit to avoiding making any noise, and just opening the door a bit. The place she now was seemed to have an appearance reminiscent of an inveterate bygone era; an era that might harken back to the first half of the twenty-first century.

The grim details were hardly visible; some traces of bygone technology became present throughout that long corridor that, nuanced by the limited feeble flashing lights, resulted in a dominant smorgasbord of neon blue and magenta lights. The cracked appearance of the concrete at her sides still showcased a feral semblance.
Structures made from concrete were built not more than a century ago. Nowadays, they are no longer like that. The new edifices were dispensed with that material a long time ago, when there was the great earthquake that destroyed a large part of the city.

This building, she guessed, was one of the many ones that were still standing in the outskirts of the city, which thanks to its ostensibly solid structure, they had just engineered; thus, intended to become a low-stratum housing and industrial complex.

—Where am I?—. She snapped by finding herself too far away and in a place that was too gloomy, chilly, and desolate as it were, the ruins of that edifice, barely had lights running all the way down. There was nobody in it from what she could determine so far. Maybe her kidnapper, if there was one, just left her to her fate.

But then something occurred to her: How long had she been there?. This was no time to recoil her spirits after trying to escape. She would think about it whenever she walked down the Renae District. Getting out and returning safely from this edifice and from the outskirts in the 31st District was the only goal she should have for now.

The outskirts of the city were the adjacent areas in the south of the city, and they were inhabited by the scourge of the lower income and the disposable working class that the Mitana Corporation needed. This was one of the many corporations which work in alliance with the greatest international corporation: an international corporation composed and led by the Vatican.

Kristel with two of her fingers on her forehead, ruminates a few seconds before scrutinizing her garments and boots until it dawned upon her that nothing she wore could possibly give her a hint of her whereabouts and why she was there. Who or what kidnapped her?, she still continued, somewhat doubtful, and brooding without any clear answer in her mind. Yesterday was a mystery, clouded between caliginous shadows.

There were no visible doors, nor a trace that someone could have ever left there for a long time.
She attempted to swallow saliva without letting the current situation to leave her paralyzed, but her mouth was dry, she breathed deeply, closed and opened her eyes hoping to collect herself. Even though the neon coloured darkness took her breath away, after a few moments, she was willing to stroll over to the less dilapidated and decaying side of the long corridor, just letting her instincts guider her. The clock ticked as the minutes felt like they would last forever. She had known that it was next to impossible to know the real time since the very moment where she started to find a way out, every moment threatened to be perennial.

Through the shadows, between neon lights born from one side of the corridor, already in the last stage of their lives, she spotted a large crystal door. The exit at the long corridor led to a series of dark alleys, in the heart of the night, that barely could be visible in the midst of the flashing neon lights from the enormous advertisements stationed in the cornices of the nearby buildings. At that very moment, she realized that she was in the lower floor of some edifice, and now, she should cross the threshold between the edifice and the alleys.

—Open, bloody door, open!—. She shouted several times. The words strained her voice. She hit the door with her hand repeatedly. It was clear that this door had ceased to function a long time ago. This kind of security door was one of the first models to be installed years after the discovery of graphene for use in tech industries as a main component. It involved transparent sheets which could be either flexible or rigid, and were long-lasting, with the capability to execute different functions within the same sheet; this model was one whose commands were executed with voice input, but unable to be repaired by the absence of so many electronic parts that, maybe, were stolen by outrageous burglars that rob these kinds of places to sell the parts in the streets of the low-strata neighbourhoods.

Kristel felt a profound sense of desperation, having the exit before her and yet not being able to open it. At the end of the door, there was the gloomy scenery of a low stratum neighbourhood on the outskirts that echoed her vulnerable position along with the symbiotic collusion of the stormy weather out there; it started to rain, and even bigger drops began to slide down the crystal of the door, one after another.

—C'mon, bloody door, open, for fuck's sake!—. Repeated within herself while connecting some cables.

From time to time some lights appeared that were rising and approaching, lights that were pictured on the walls of each building, and that were facing the crystal door, originating from one of the alleys. But right away, a man emerged from that alley. He was shooting at something, maybe a persecutor; then, suddenly, he had his back up against a wall that prevented him from running away. That man, who was pushing towards midlife, stood out because of his unkempt beard and sloppy appearance. Knowing that running away would be impossible, he resigned his will with fallen countenance, sadness, and despair. He turned to the bright lights, looking up at them as he drowned in his defenselessness; then, he swallowed hard and licked his lips.

A deafening sound broke the passiveness ingrained in the crystal, freaking out Kristel after she stepped back. Then, a whistling sound breaking the airflow trembled, disrupting the silence outside. A hard, wet sound unveiled a deadly wound in the man. One after another, in sequence, they caused the man to scream bestial howls. His knees could barely hold up the weight of himself. Then, the man, slowly, allowed himself to fall out of the view from the door, his blood pouring out and mixing with the tinkling water from the rain, diluting itself on the worn concrete floor.

The strong lights were blotted out abruptly, and the flashy jet black obscurity prevailed again as a hidden strange humanoid figure vanished into darkness.

Kristel saw the whole setting without being able to do anything,; she was frozen with terror. She was nervously covering her mouth with her hand as the tears in her eyes were streaming down her face. She tried so hard to disbelieve in the veracity of the scene she had just watched. She observed the fallen figure of the man; a deep powerlessness and despair were absorbed into the depths of her being. Kristel looked to the sides of the door, took a half-fallen titanium tube off the chamfered edge of the door, and started off to hit the graphene crystal again and again. She knew that it was hardly possible to cause even a little damage, but even so she did it repeatedly to mitigate the uneasiness, and anxiousness within her.

Once she wore away the remnant of her strength, Kristel dropped the tube out of her hands as she was leaning up against the wall, then let herself slide down slowly. Already sitting on the floor, she saw her hand with the burning inability to do

something. Her arms were up, squeezing her ears with her hands; she shook her head as her eyes were shut tight, forcing her to wake up as though it were a nightmare, so that she would be able to get out of that despicable dream; but, she couldn't. After that, behind her, she groped around the wall, then she grunted, the portrait of a frustration.

A new, different light began to integrate outside, forcing Kristel to turn her gaze towards that heinous setting wherein the man's body lie, which still appeared to show feeble vital signals while he held his barely empty stare towards her. With this, he had registered her existence, but he didn't attempt to ask for help ; instead, he accepted his tragic end, just contemplating to that young beautiful woman as an attempt to carve a last photo into his mind. Kristel noticed that he was staring at her with a certain melancholy, and as they stared at each other, she noticed that his pupils were raising their brightness as a growing light came towards him. He moved his lips, with short bursts of energy, towards her.

A shaky inner anguish started to take over Kristel's body as she watched him trying to say something to her; an immense dark shadow emerged from amongst the light a tall uniformed man, who had his face covered by a helmet. He slowly approached the dying man's body. Her heart skipped a beat by witnessing what the tall man was about to do: he took a small gun from his left shoulder and then shot at him to finish the job.

The man was shot in the head at point-blank range, while his staring still kept its direction towards Kristel. His head trembled on the puddle of water under it. Kristel wanted to scream, but as the involuntary reaction strived, she put her hands over her mouth and moved backwards slowly, avoiding being spotted by the executioner.
The uniformed man threw a new smaller light from his shoulder equipment in all directions, making sure to identify and wipe out any meddling mole. The light turned to the thick graphene crystal, blinding her. Her mind and her eyes were clouded abruptly, causing her to black out. Then, she opened her eyes, bewildered.

Kristel fixed her scattered gaze to nowhere as she tried to recover the notion of reality, as a camera lens adjusts the focus; thus, she managed to recover while she turned herself over on her bed with the intent to look at the ceiling for a moment. The ceiling, more than an inert object whose only function was to separate her from the pouring rain outside, that violently hit the building in which she lived, was an old friend to Kristel. She got used to looking up at the ceiling whenever a caliginous nightmare occurred in her mind. Five minutes or more were enough to ease the demon in her mind.