My project for course: Script Writing for Comics: Explore Visual Storytelling
por Panagiotis Kosmas @peterkosmas
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- 4
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The project I decided to make was an old short story I had written some years ago. It was fun to try to see how it was in a comic format.
Here is the rough pages :
THE CHRISTMAS THEFT
1. POLICE CALL – THEFT OF THE LIST
2. ENTER INSPECTOR – 1ST INTERROGATION
3. RESEARCH
4. FIRE IN THE FACTORY!
5. ARREST-PUBLIC SPEECH
6. INFORMATION AND THINKING
7. 2ND INTERROGATION
8. SOLUTION-END
Here is the dialogue only draft:
THE CHRISTMAS THEFT
By PANAGIOTIS KOSMAS
ONE
Santa Claus: Help, I have been robbed!
Police Oficcer: Try to be calm, and tell me your name and exact address...
Santa Claus: Santa Claus, 16 North Pole Avenue, SANTA Mansion!
Police Officer: What has been stolen?
Santa Claus: My List, my precious list!!!The list of naughty and nice children!
Police officer: Sending immediate back up, sir!
TWO
Inspector Booke: What do we have here?
Policeman Stars: Burglary and theft, sir. And what a victim!
Books: Let’s go inside.
Santa: Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
Booke: Hello, sir. Please tell us everything!
Santa: What is there to tell? The list is always locked in my safe. There were no signs of tampering! But when I came back from the factory, the safe was empty!
Booke: Are you sure you did not leave it open? Or the house?
Santa: Please, Inspector, I am too experienced for that. Find my list, i beg you!
Stars: What a case!
THREE
Booke: Okay, let us get serious. CSI report?
Stars: Nothing out of the ordinary. No foreign fingerprints. No sign of entry. Nothing! We also have cameras, no one but him entered the house for weeks!
Booke: And what happens if this list is not found?
Stars: I suppose it would ruin Christmas!
Booke: Hmph. Find everything you can about mr Santa here. Everything! And especially about his financial matters...
Stars: on it, sir!
FOUR
Police HQ: To all available units, big fire to Santa’s toy Factory. Proceed ASAP. I repeat...
Booke: WHAT THE FRACK Stars? It is 4 a.m.!
Booke: The results?
Police oficer: Definitely arson!
Booke: There is something fishy here... Let us talk to the old man!
FIVE
Santa: But I tell you, I am in such a condition and you bring me here?
Booke: This is only standard procedure, sir. Do you have an alibi or not?
Santa: I told you, I was in my house weeping. And while you slept, all of the toys are gone too. What a calamity for Christmas!
CHIEF OF POLICE: Sorry, sir, come with me in my office! (To Booke) We will talk later!
Santa: To the whole world, I say that I am deeply perplexed. But we will not have them win. Christmas is about caring. So make your own presents! Have no presents at all, but spread the love! We will find out why these things happened, and next year I will be back as ever!
Booke: What a show-off!
SIX
Booke: Do you know something about the arson?
Bob: No, guv’nor. No one knows. Iffy job. Poor kiddies!
Booke: Keep me informed, man. (on phone) Stars: Report!
Stars: Well, i have not much. Santa appears to have zero bank accounts, but i traced some obscure foreign transactions to ghost industries. From there, it is a dead-end.
Booke: Is the list theft-insured?
Stars: Not that I know of. Also, there are no copies of it.
Booke: Very strange. What else?
Stars: I suppose nothing. The guy is a mythical figure, and we cannot touch him anymore.
Booke: Hmph. Bye, Stars.
SEVEN
Booke: May I have a word?
Santa: Of course, since you could not crack the case...
Booke: Oh, but I think I have cracked the case. So I want to share a story.
Santa: I am all ears!
Booke: There is a list, a locked safe in a locked house, and it vanishes. Nothing shows us a forced entry. No fingerprints, nada! So, all things considered, the culprit is you!
Santa: Me? How did I do it? Why?
Booke: As for the how, I do not know. You could have taken the list whenever you wanted. Then you staged the theft. Why? Money, that’s why!
Santa: This is absurd. But amuse me.
Booke: I found out that you own Santa.co, and the copyright to your person. Guess what: you became the hero of the day with that speech, so now all Santa-related products have been sold out!
Santa: Okay. Where is your proof?
Booke: In my head. You are a VIP and therefore I am forced to quit the investigation. But I will keep an eye to you... Merry Christmas!
Santa: Interesting fellow...
EIGHT
Santa: You have to keep really low, man.
Elf: Will do, boss. 60-40, right?
Santa: We’ll see. Good night .
Santa: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to me!
TV: Merry Christmas, you filthy animal! And a happy New Year!
This is my final script of the project. I cannot find another way to post it, so i will have photos of each page. If i copy it here, there are no bold letters for some reason.
THE CHRISTMAS THEFT
Created and written by Kosmas Panagiotis // copyright 2023 Kosmas Panagiotis
ONE
panel 1: extreme close up of a telephone device ringing. It is an old-looking device, something like this: (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telephone#/media/File:Telefon_BW_2012-02-18_13-44-32.JPG)
panel 2: same environment. Now we see a uniform-covered arm picking up the phone. It is set on a desk. We can see a name tag but not clearly.
Police officer: Hello, how can I help you?
panel 3: We see a dark figure talking on the phone, in a dark room.
Santa Claus: Help, I have been robbed!
panel 4: Now we see clearly the Police Department office room. A plain desk. On it, the telephone, an open book, some pens and pencils, a name tag reading 'Sgt Jones', a female officer, short dark hair, talking to the phone. Behind her in the wall we see a calendar (December 2023) and a window. It seems dark outside.
Police Officer: Try to be calm, and tell me your name and exact address...
Panel 5:
NOTE: make this a page-width panel. It should be a high - angle view of a mansion, (https://content.api.news/v3/images/bin/0296baa256ce133a612be2e69767b6be) with high walls and a gate that reads SANTA MANSION, in golden letters.
Insert a little square panel in the upper left corner: We see a furious Santa depicted as his classic 'Coca Cola' inspired version, talking on the phone.
Santa Claus: Santa Claus, 16 North Pole Avenue, SANTA Mansion!
And now we have dialogue balloons with square angles and zig-zag lines to indicate that this is a telephone conversation, from upper left to top bottom:
Police Officer: What has been stolen?
Santa Claus: My List, my precious list!!!The list of naughty and nice children!
Police officer: Sending immediate back up, sir!
The sound of sirens are heard under the last panel.
TWO
panel 1: NOTE: make it a page-width panel. We see police cars, polce officers, the yellow DO NOT CROSS sign. In the left, exiting a car, we see Inspector Booke. Mid-forties, tall, athletic. Nationality: From Kenya. Could be like Idris Elba with a mustache and a pipe. Wearing jeans and a trenchcoat like this (https://s-gents.com/cdn/shop/products/TrenchCoatThumbnail4-5_900x.jpg?v=1676330421). In the right, we see Police Officer Stars. She is a young brown-haired woman 25 years old, wearing a uniform, holding a big notepad and several other papers.
Inspector Booke: What do we have here?
Policeman Stars: Burglary and theft, sir. And what a victim!
Panel 2: Inspector looks to the manor with contempt, holding his pipe.
Booke: Let’s go inside.
Panel 3: Establishing view of the manor. From inside we can hear a cry.
Santa: Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!
Panel 4: NOTE: make this a page-long panel. Interior of the manor. We can see Booke in acorner, Santa sitting in a luxurious sofa in the other. Richly decorated room. The dialogue is between the two of them, from top to bottom of the page, between them.
Booke: Hello, sir. Please tell us everything!
Santa: What is there to tell? The list is always locked in my safe. There were no signs of tampering! But when I came back from the factory, the safe was empty!
Booke: Are you sure you did not leave it open? Or the house?
Santa: Please, Inspector, I am too experienced for that. Find my list, i beg you!
Panel 5: This, too, will be a page-length panel. We see Stars, looking at us with disbelief.
Stars: What a case!
THREE
Panel 1: Page-width panel. Police HQ, Booke’s office. He sits on his desk with files all over it. There is a photo of a woman and a child. He holds a mug of coffee that says ‘to the best dad’. The trenchcoat is hanging from a clothes stand. He is wearing a shirt and a tie.
Panel insert: Close up to Booke, as he sips his coffee.
Booke: Okay, let us get serious. CSI report?
Panel 2: POV shot from Stars’s perspective. We see her notebook and the CSI report in her lap.
Stars: Nothing out of the ordinary. No foreign fingerprints. No sign of entry. Nothing!
Panel 3: Close up to Stars, talking.
Stars: We also have camera surveillance, no one but him entered the house for weeks!
Panel 4: NOTE: page-width panel. High angle view of the desk and the two of them.
Booke: And what happens if this list is not found?
Stars: I suppose it would ruin Christmas!
Panel 5: Close up to Booke, frowning. He has his hands in fron of him, pointing to Stars.
Booke: Hmph. Find everything you can about mr Santa here. Everything! And especially about his financial matters...
Panel 6: Stars standing up, saluting before exiting the office.
Stars: On it, sir!
FOUR
Panel 1 : NOTE: page-width panel. Dark. We see the inside of a police car with two officers on patrol. From the radio we hear the HQ message.
Police HQ: To all available units, big fire to Santa’s toy Factory. Proceed ASAP. I repeat...
Panel 2: close up of a cordless phone ringing.
Phone: BEEP-BEEP-BEEP
Panel 3: A bedroom. Two people lying. A desk with the phone, still ringing, and a snooze alarm indicating the time (4 a.m.) Bookes wakes up, gasping.
Panel 4: Close up to Booke, answering the phone. We can see his wife, still asleep.
Booke: WHAT THE FRACK Stars? It is 4 a.m.!
Panel 5: NOTE: one big, page- width and page-long panel. We have a low-view shot of a destroyed factory. Smoke, fire, firefighters at the scene. Booke is talking with the expert on the scene, smoking.
Booke: The results?
Police oficer: Definitely arson!
Insert panel in the end of the page: Booke texting a number in his cell phone.
Booke: There is something fishy here... Let us bring the old man in!
FIVE
Panel 1: we are in an interrogation room. We see only Santa’s hands on the table.
Santa: But I tell you, I am in such a condition and you bring me here?
Panel 2: We now see Booke’s hands, on the table. There is a notebook in front of him.
Booke: This is only standard procedure, sir. Do you have an alibi or not?
Panel 3: Santa standing up, enraged, screaming .
Santa: I told you, I was in my house, weeping. And while you slept, all of the toys are gone too! What a calamity for Christmas!
Panel 4: The room door opens, croaking. There stands a costumed man, tall, bald, angry.
CHIEF OF POLICE: (to Santa) Sorry, sir, come with me in my office to solve everything!
Panel 5: Santa exiting the room, the Chief following, pointing to Booke
CHIEF: (To Booke) Are you insane? Accusing Santa? We will talk later!
Panel 6: Page lenght and width. We see a press conference room, with Santa in the podium, next to him the Chief. In front of them journalists. This dialogue will be written in zig-zag balloons too, in order to show this is broadcasted. There will be two insert panels here: the first, showing a family in front of the TV listening attentively. The second depicts Booke, in the shadows, making a remark, and in the background we hear Cheers and Hoorays.
Santa: (separate ballons, from top left to bottom right)
To the whole world, I say that I am deeply perplexed.
But we will not have them win.
Christmas is about caring.
So make your own presents!
Have no presents at all, but spread the love!
We will find out why these things happened, and next year I will be back as always!
Insert panel 2:
Booke: What a show-off!
SIX
Panel 1: page-width panel. We are in a small port, seeing the sea and some boats. Two people stand, in front of the sea. We can see their backs. One is wearing a familiar trenchcoat. The other is shorter, has a stripped pull-over and a stripped winter cap on.
Panel 2: Booke from the back, close up, talking to his informant Bob.
Booke: Do you know something about the arson?
Panel 3: Bob from the back.
Bob: No, guv’nor. No one knows. Iffy job. Poor kiddies!
Panel 4: Booke gives money to Bob, has his cell phone to his ear.Bob leaves.
Booke: Keep me informed, man. (on phone) Stars: Report!
Panel 5: page-width panel. We see Bookes walking, so the background slowly changes. We are still by the sea. Seagulls are flying, a lighthouse is visible. The sun is low.
Stars: (only dialogue bubble, indicates his voice from the phone) Well, i have not much. Santa appears to have zero bank accounts, but i traced some obscure foreign transactions to ghost industries. From there, it is a dead-end.
Panel 6: page – width panel. Stil walking, but now we see a park in the background. It is almost dusk.
Booke: Is the list theft-insured?
Stars (voice): Not that I know of. Also, there are no copies of it.
Panel 7: Booke is still walking, now in the city. Night.
Booke: Very strange. What else?
Stars (voice): I suppose nothing. The guy is a mythical figure, and we cannot touch him anymore. Orders from above.
Booke: Hmph. Bye, Stars.
SEVEN
Panel 1: Santa Manor, front door. Bookes has just rang the bell, Santa has opened the door.
Booke: May I have a word?
Santa: Of course, but since you could not crack the case...
Panel 2: Santa makes a welcoming motion to the inside, Bookes smirks.
Booke: Oh, but I think I have. So I want to share a story.
Santa: I am all ears!
Panel 3: page-width panel. The same room from the second page. Bookes is standing, Santa is sitting in a sofa, eating cookies and smiling.
Booke: There is a list, a locked safe in a locked house, and it vanishes. Nothing shows us a forced entry. No fingerprints, nada! So, all things considered, the culprit is you!
Santa: Me? How did I do it? Why?
Panel 4. Extreme close up to Bookes’s eyes and nose.
Booke: As for the how, I do not know. You could have taken the list whenever you wanted. Then you staged the theft. Why? Money, that’s why!
Panel 5: Extreme close up to Santa’s eyes and nose.
Santa: This is absurd. But amuse me.
Panel 6: Page-length panel, showing Bookes from the waist and above, talking to Santa.
Panel 7, will be also page-lenght, showing Santa standing up, talking back. Between the two panels we have the dialogue balloons.
Booke: I found out that you own Santa.co, and the copyright to your image. Guess what: you became the hero of the day with that speech, so now all Santa-related products have been sold out!
Santa: Okay. Where is your proof?
Booke: In my head. You are a VIP and therefore I am forced to quit the investigation. But I will keep an eye on you... Merry Christmas!
EIGHT
Panel 1: Santa closing the door, Booke leaving.
Santa: Interesting fellow…
Panel 2: Santa talking on the phone, muffled voice.
Santa: You have to keep really low, man.
Panel 3: The shillhouette of a short person. Dim light. We can see that he has pointy ears and is wearing a pointy hat, so we understand that this is an elf speaking.
Elf: Will do, boss. 60-40, right?
Santa (voice balloon only): We’ll see. Good night .
Panel 4: We now see Santa sitting in front of a lit fireplace and a TV set. The TV is playing ‘HOME ALONE’ . He is smiling and remebering the past. The next panels should be different with a cloudy outline, to indicate that we see the past.
Panel 5: (past) here we have a different, more childish drawing style. This is Santa’s plan, after all. We see Santa and an elf holding hands, making a deal
Panel 6: (past). We see the elf hiding inside Santa’s red bag. Santa carries him inside the Mansion, unseen.
Panel 7: (past) We see them drinking together. The elf takes the list with him.
Panel 8: (past) Santa goes to the factory taking the elf out. He hides. The list is vanished.
Panel 9: (past) Santa calls the police to stage the theft. He is smiling, we can see the dollar symbol above him
Panel 10: page-width panel. We see Santa sittin, drinking whisky in his armchair. In the TV, the scene playing is this: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftenor.com%2Fsearch%2Fand-a-happy-new-year-you-filthy-animal-stickers&psig=AOvVaw1C2ZN7bMZkHrMU5uZJG3jx&ust=1696871481905000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CA8QjRxqFwoTCOiD_YX55oEDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAI
Santa: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to me!
TV: Merry Christmas, you filthy animal! And a happy New Year!
THE END
2 comentarios
fred.vanlente
Profesor Plus¡Oye, esto es muy bueno! Mi única crítica es que para mantenerlo dentro del límite de 8 páginas de la tarea, creo que ha abarrotado demasiados paneles por página. Lo revisaría y lo ampliaría a 12, 18, tal vez incluso 20 o 22 páginas para que puedas obtener más paneles por página y airear un poco la historia. En particular, el último panel de la página uno debería ser su propia página de presentación (particularmente con todos los diálogos) y la última página sola (10 paneles es demasiado) podría fácilmente tener 2 o incluso 3 páginas. Intente jugar con él y darle a las partes de acción y revelaciones dramáticas el espacio que necesitan.
Pero en general, ¡gran trabajo!
FLV
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peterkosmas
@fred_vanlente ¡Gracias por tus comentarios, significa mucho para mí! La verdad es que mi guión era más largo, pero tuve que hacerlo abarrotado, porque quería presentar una historia completa. Definitivamente intentaré ampliar esto después de tus sugerencias. El sueño es encontrar gente talentosa para darle vida, así que tengo que investigar y tener esperanza. ¡Gracias de nuevo por tu gran curso!
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