My project in Children's Novel Writing for Beginners course

This is the first draft of the story. I started writing in the third person and then changed to the first person because I wanted it to be a memory.

The Seaside

I will always remember that day on Sandbourne Beach. As we stepped onto the beach, I felt the warm sand scrunch between my feet and my bright pink flipflops. Seagulls squawked far off in the distance, and I could taste the tang of salt on my tongue and feel the endless possibilities for fun. I grabbed the handle of the large, white shopping bag and heaved it from one hand to another. Behind, Mum huffed and puffed, laden with bags, her cheeks pink in the summer heat.
“Where do you want to go?” asked Dad. I scanned the beach. Families were dotted everywhere, blotting out the yellow sand in a kaleidoscope of colours
“How about over there?” Mum pointed to a small island of yellow a few hundred metres away.
“Not here then?” asked Dad.
Mum rolled her eyes.
“No! It’s way too close to the promenade. We’ll have everyone passing all the time.”
She set off across the sand. I trailed after her, my legs sinking into the soft sand. It was hard work.
“Wait up Lou-Lou.” My little sister Charlotte trailed behind, carrying the buckets and spades.
Eventually, Mum plonked down the bags and beamed at us.
“I think this will be perfect!” she said.
Whilst Mum rolled out the picnic blanket and towels, Dad unrolled the stripey windbreak and started to hammer the wooden poles into the sand.
I gazed at the sea. It was as if the waves were calling to me.
“Can I go and paddle, Mum, please?” I begged.
“Me too, me too!” I scowled at my sister. She always wanted to copy me. Sometimes it was like having an annoying little shadow trailing everywhere I went.
“Yes, I don’t see why not,” smiled Mum. “Just keep an eye on Lottie, won’t you?”
“Yeah, alright,” I agreed reluctantly.
I ripped off my t-shirt and shorts, slipping my feet from my flip flops, my toes sinking into the warm sand.
“Off you go then. Have fun,” called Mum as we scampered towards the waves.
The water was like putting your feet into a bucket of ice cubes. I shrieked as a wave rolled up to my ankles, taking my breath away. I turned and grinned as Charlotte squealed and ran back up the beach, chased by a wave. I ventured a bit deeper.
“Lou-Lou, wait for me,” called Charlotte.
“Come on then.” She joined me in the water, grimacing from the cold. I pulled her next to me, the waves up to her shins. In the distance, a small wave curled white on top.
“See that wave,” I pointed. “We have to jump over it, it can’t hit us or we’ll be drowned.” I grabbed her hand and we waited, excitement building until the very last second. I launched myself into the air and beside me Lottie skipped over the wave.
“Woo-hoo,” I yelled.
“Again, again!” shouted Lottie, her eyes shining.
We stayed like that for ages, the two of us, creeping deeper into the water and then running up the beach to the shallower waves. It was heaven until Lottie pulled on my hand.
“Lou-Lou, I want a snack.” My heart sank. I’d have to drag her back all the way across the sand. I turned and scanned the beach, shading my eyes from the sun with my hand. I spotted our stripey windbreak in the distance.
“There, Lottie, you see the windbreak with the yellow and blue stripes?” She nodded. “That’s Mum and Dad. Off you go, Mum will give you a snack.”
She trotted off and I turned to leap over another wave, going deeper now Lottie wasn’t there.
Eventually, even my stomach started to growl. I sighed and headed back towards the stripey windbreak, zig zagging between the other families . I threw myself down on the nearest towel.
“I’m starving. Can I have a snack?” I asked.
“Yeah, there’s some crisps in the bag,” said my Mum, pointing to a blue Ikea bag. I rummaged and found a pack of ready salted Hula Hoops, my favourite.
“Louise, where’s Lottie?” asked my Mum.
“What d’you mean? Wasn’t she here a minute ago?” I replied.
“Was she behind you?” asked Mum.
“No, she came back ages ago. She wanted a snack.” I popped a hula hoop onto each finger and bit them one by one from my fingers.
“But Lottie hasn’t been back. She was with you.” I sat up.
“You mean, she hasn’t come back,” A horrible sick feeling started in the pit of my stomach.
“Alan, Lottie’s not with Lou. Have you seen her?”
My Dad lifted his sunhat from over his eyes.
“Er, not since they went paddling,” he said.
The world seemed to slow down. Dad got up and joined Mum who was scanning the beach. I stood too and searched through the throngs of people for a glimpse of her. Every now and then, I’d see a flash of pink swimsuit or a white hat, and think it was her, but then they’d turn, and it would be someone else.
“What were you thinking, Lou? You were supposed to be looking after her. She’s only little, she could be anywhere!” Mum’s anger burnt into me. I shrank back.
“I…I thought she was with you…I pointed to the windbreak… she said she could see it…” Even to me, my explanation sounded weak. I concentrated on the ground, not daring to look at Mum.
“She’s only three!” Mum’s words exploded over me. “If anything’s happened to her, it’ll be your fault!”
“Ok, Jane, calm down.” Dad placed a calming hand on Mum’s arm.
“It’ll be ok. We’ll find her. You two stay here and I’ll go and look for her.” Dad strode off down the beach, calling Lottie’s name. Families nearby stared at us and then started to come over asking if they could help. What Lottie’s name was, what she was wearing and when we’d last seen her. Soon all I could hear was “Lottie” being shouted all along the beach. I pushed my feet into the sand, wishing it would bury me; anything to take this horrible feeling away.
“I could go and see if she’s near where we were paddling,” I blurted, my voice small.
“No, you can stay here. I think you’ve done enough damage for one day,” replied Mum.
My bottom lip trembled and tears threatened.
“I’m so sorry, Mum,” I whispered as I hung my head.
Endless silence descended between us like Mum had cut herself off from me.
And then I saw Dad, striding down the beach, waving and smiling, with a little bundle of pink and white tucked into his arms.
“Lottie!” I yelled. “Mum, he’s found her!”
Mum sprinted, grabbing Lottie and smothering her with kisses. I sank into a heap on the floor, the tears flowing now. So I’ll always remember that day on Sandbourne Beach as the day I nearly lost my little sister.

This is the final version of the story after an initial edit where I read the story out loud. It really helped me to change some of the details where it didn't sound quite right. I think it could use another couple of edits to tighten it up even more.

Sandbourne Beach

I couldn't believe I was here again after all those years. Our family always remembers Sandbourne Beach. As we stepped onto the beach that day, I felt the warm sand scrunch between my feet and my bright pink flipflops. Seagulls squawked far off in the distance, and I could taste the tang of salt on my tongue. I grabbed the handle of the large, white shopping bag and heaved it from one hand to another. Behind, Mum huffed and puffed, laden with bags, her cheeks pink in the summer heat.
“Where do you want to go?” asked Dad. I scanned the beach. Families were dotted everywhere, a kaleidoscope of colours blotting out the yellow sand.
“How about over there?” Mum pointed to a small island of yellow a few hundred metres away.
“Not here then?” asked Dad.
Mum rolled her eyes.
“No! It’s way too close to the promenade. We’ll have everyone passing all the time.”
She set off through the throngs of people. I trailed after her, my legs sinking into the soft sand. It was hard work.
“Wait up Lou-Lou,” called my little sister Charlotte as she trailed behind carrying the buckets and spades.
“Come on, Lottie, hurry up,” I said.
Eventually, Mum plonked down the bags and beamed at us.
“I think this will be perfect!” she said.
Whilst Mum unfolded the picnic blanket and towels, Dad unrolled the stripey windbreak and hammered the wooden poles into the sand. I gazed at the sea. It was as if the waves were calling to me.
“Can I go and paddle, Mum, please?” I begged.
“Me too, me too!” I scowled at my sister. She always wanted to copy me. Sometimes it was like having an annoying little shadow trailing everywhere I went.
“Yes, I don’t see why not,” smiled Mum. “Just keep an eye on Lottie, won’t you?”
“Yeah, alright,” I agreed reluctantly.
I ripped off my t-shirt and shorts, casting aside my flip flops; my toes sinking into the warm sand.
“Have fun,” called Mum after us as we scampered towards the waves.
The water was like putting your feet into a bucket of ice cubes. I shrieked as a wave rolled up to my ankles, taking my breath away. I turned and grinned as Charlotte squealed and ran back up the beach, chased by a wave. I ventured a bit deeper.
“Lou-Lou, wait for me,” called Charlotte.
“Come on then.” She joined me in the water, grimacing from the cold. I pulled her next to me, the waves up to her shins. In the distance, a small wave curled white on top.
“See that wave,” I pointed. “We have to jump over it, it can’t hit us or we’ll be drowned.” I grabbed her hand and we waited, excitement building until the very last second. I launched myself into the air and beside me Lottie skipped over the wave.
“Woo-hoo,” I yelled.
“Again, again!” shouted Lottie, her eyes shining.
We stayed like that for ages, the two of us, creeping deeper into the water and then running up the beach into the shallows. It was heaven until Lottie pulled on my hand.
“Lou-Lou, I’m hungry. I want a snack.” My heart sank. I’d have to drag her back all the way across the sand. I turned and scanned the beach, shading my eyes with my hand. I spotted our stripey windbreak in the distance.
“There, Lottie, you see the windbreak with the yellow and blue stripes?” She nodded. “That’s Mum and Dad. Off you go, Mum will give you a snack.”
She trotted off and I turned to leap over another wave, going even deeper now Lottie wasn’t there.
Eventually, my stomach started to growl. I sighed and headed back towards the stripey windbreak, zig zagging between the other families. I threw myself down on the nearest towel.
“I’m starving. Can I have a snack?” I asked.
“Yeah, there’s some crisps in the bag,” said my Mum, pointing to a blue Ikea bag. I rummaged and found a pack of ready salted Hula Hoops, my favourite.
“Louise, where’s Lottie?” asked my Mum.
“What d’you mean? Wasn’t she here a minute ago?” I replied.
“Was she behind you?” asked Mum.
“No, she came back ages ago. She wanted a snack.” I popped a hula hoop onto each finger and bit them off one by one.
“But Lottie hasn’t been back. She was with you.” I sat up.
“You mean she hasn’t come back?” A horrible sick feeling hit the pit of my stomach.
“Alan, have you seen Lottie?”
My Dad lifted his sunhat from over his eyes.
“Er, not since they went paddling,” he said.
“Then where is she?” asked my Mum staring at us both.
The world seemed to slow down. Dad joined Mum who was scanning the beach anxiously. I stood beside her and searched the throngs of people. Every now and then, I’d see a flash of pink swimsuit or a white hat and think it was her, but then they’d turn, and it would be someone else.
“What were you thinking, Lou? You were supposed to be looking after her. She’s only little, she could be anywhere!” Mum’s anger burnt into me. I shrank back.
“I…I thought she was with you…I pointed to the windbreak… she said she could see it…” Even to me, my explanation sounded weak. I concentrated on the ground, not daring to look at Mum.
“She’s only three!” Mum’s words exploded over me. “If anything’s happened to her, it’ll be your fault!”
“Ok, Jane, calm down.” Dad placed a calming hand on Mum’s arm. “It’ll be ok. We’ll find her. You two stay here and I’ll go and look for her.” Dad strode off down the beach, calling Lottie’s name. Soon, families nearby started to come over asking if they could help. What Lottie’s name was, what she was wearing and when we’d last seen her. Soon all I could hear was shouts of “Lottie” all along the beach. I pushed my feet into the sand, wishing it would bury me.
“I could go and see if she’s near where we were paddling,” I blurted, my voice small.
“No, you can stay here. I think you’ve done enough damage for one day,” Mum didn’t even look at me. My bottom lip trembled and tears threatened.
“I’m so sorry, Mum,” I whispered as I hung my head.
Endless silence descended between us like an endless wall. And then I saw Dad striding down the beach, waving and smiling, like a beacon, with a little bundle of pink and white tucked into his arms.
“Lottie!” I yelled. “Mum, he’s found her!”
Mum sprinted, grabbed Lottie and smothered her with kisses whilst I sank into a heap on the floor, tears flowing down my cheeks. So that’s how we remember Sandbourne Beach in my family. It’s the place I nearly lost my little sister.