States of Being

States of Being

I
I sit down to write in our apartment office. We had just moved to Phoenix from Florida so I could go to college. It takes time to adjust from the plush tropical environment to a desert where everything is prickley and grass is replaced with miles of sand and rock. Gone were journal entries of playful dolphins and manatees that would make us laugh. Instead were chronicles of poor-sighted javalinas that ate orange juice-filled sponges we left outside to attract butterflies, and tarantulas who dueled each other by your front door to find a mate. I smiled reading over the last entry which detailed Graham’s encounter hiking South Mountain. He accidentally surprised killer bees that swarm around you and hunt you down. He tossed his new, expensive walking stick over the mountainside as he scrabbled downhill. He survived with only five stings on his face and neck. I had written in big letters “We were not in Florida anymore- exclamation mark!“
Time to add another entry about class today. I drop down into the comfy bean bag chair under the window. It is actually a tube of stuffed material about 3 yards long. You twirl it until a spiral forms and then voilà instant chair. I was just getting to the good part of class where the professor started actually to tell us something new when a needle-like prick went in and out of my lower back! I stand. And then pain, pain, pain, pain, pain. I walk- slowly- ok. More pain. I am fine I tell myself. Still more pain. From the prick now was a radiating hive of major P-A-I-N. Every few breaths it increases. What’s wrong???? It just won’t stop.
I grab my phone and call Graham. Incapable by this time of saying anything coherent I manage to get out pain— very, very, very bad pain — back- lower back huge gulps of air —tears and more tears. As per usual my husband says he is twenty minutes away.
My mind races. What could come on so quickly? A disc in my spine exploded. Oh god, no!!! Whatever it is I am definitely not having back surgery!!! We should never have moved from Florida! I pace at snail speed into the living room.
The door bursts open. Graham drops his papers and rushes towards me firing question after question:
"What?"
"Don’t know."
"How?"
"No idea."
"Where?"
"In there"- grabbing my back I stumble into the office and point to the brown spiraled chair. Graham attacks it uncoiling it like cracking a whip. Nothing.
He searches the room then peers out of the open window.
"Look," he says, "You see that! Look at the tail!"
“Scorpion !” we both say at once.
"If it doesn’t stop soon, we’ll go to the hospital," he says.
I nod thinking about my next journal entry.

Light filters through the room. I must find water. Where is the water? I had to defend myself from the attack of that big thing yesterday in my beautiful quiet brown earth colored bed. I hid after the attack. But today I must be better prepared. Doing my eight-legged walk along the uneven surface is harder than I anticipated. I pause sensing vibrations in the uneven surface. Movement. I don’t like movement. I need quiet. I only come out at night, but today is different today I need water. Something above me now loud noises. I thrust up my tail. Attack!!! Attack!!! Always attack!!!! I may be small, but I’m not afraid. Stay alert! It will be fine. You will succeed! And then Vroooom!! Slurp!!! Blackness and I am sucked up by the noisy machine into the nevermore.

II

I am outside on my fake grass in the Arizona mountains doing my daily qigong exercise called the eight brocades. It is beautiful to do the two hands hold up heaven exercise where one stretches both arms up to the sky. I see clouds holding the promise of monsoon season. Yeah! I had gotten over my anxiety this morning when I stuck my hand under the bench in the garage to get a piece of wood. I’m not big on woo-woo events but for some reason the words snake, snake, snake dropped into my head. I thought I was crazy until I saw the 9 ft- gopher snake sunning in the driveway after lunch. Hmm maybe living so close to Sedona, where mystical vortexes abound, rubs off.
Oh well, we had just moved into this house and with it being vacant for a while maybe animals were realizing it was now occupied. I finish holding up the heavens and begin the wise owl gazes backward move where I turn my head to one side and that’s not part of the pine tree. I still myself. It looks like a cat but it’s bigger and the ears are— ahh- it’s a lynx staring at me.

I stop by the needle tree to gaze at the animal moving on the green surface. Who is this ridiculous animal who moves so slow? I have never seen this one before. Nothing of interest. I walk over to the smelly plant and leave my own overpowering smell to let everyone know I was here. Perhaps after that tree the white tail will hop up and the chase will be on.

III

What a great spring day!!! My husband and I stand at the top of Telegraph Mountain Pass having done the first half of this hike in South Mountain Park while we are in Phoenix for the day. Reaching the 1450 ft top we can see for miles. A bit of brown air, but on the whole not bad today. We start to go down using our new poles. On the trail to the car park I say, “That was fun. I’m tired, you? “
Graham nods. “Glad we did it,” he replied.
Then we walk faster and faster and faster towards the car.

Rattle- rattle- rattle. I am here everyone I am here!!! I don’t want to strike but I will if you come near. Don’t make me do it!!! Hear me big ones!!! Hear me now!!!!! I must find a mate! Let’s try over there under that rock. Rattle- rattle-rattle.

We were here first.
We don’t want to hurt you.
We defend our territory to the death.
We have every right to share the land with you.